Thailand used to be pretty high up on my go-to list for international vacation. Yet news this week of a man who got bitten by a python when he sat down on his toilet has me a bit worried.

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So let’s get the obvious joke out of the way first. The python, which bit Atthaporn Boonmakchuay was not a Ball Python. And I doubt Boonmakchuay found the situation amusing, even though there are probably some herpetologically minded wing-nuts who would pay for the experience. Vorarephilia–your word for the day–but this isn’t that.

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No, Boonmakchuay simply sat down to heed to call of natureĀ in the bathroom of his home near Bangkok, when the wayward python latched onto his penis. If you know much about snakes, you’ll know it isn’t easy to break the hold they establish on their prey. Their jaws are able to disconnect and open wide, which allows them to swallow food much bigger than their mouths. And they’re almost all muscle–especially pythons.

Boonmakchuay tried to free himself, but couldn’t. The snake’s bite came as a tremendous shock, and then the 38-year-old couldn’t free himself. So he screamed for his wife.

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My hat’s off to this man. He suffered some pretty tremendous blood loss in the struggle to free himself, and there had to be some shock, too. In the end, he was able to escape–and just before he collapsed, he actually tied a rope around the snake’s head and secured the rope on the door to keep the beast from escaping.

After, he was rushed to hospital. Can you imagine the first-responders getting this call? The crews came in and were able to tear out the toilet to free the rest of the snake.

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After getting it free, they measured it at more than 11 feet. And consider this–rather than just chopping it out of the toilet and flushing what was left of the python, they took it back to the wild.

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Wild. Yes, very. No one knows exactly how the snake got into the toilet, though assumptions are that he swam up the sewer pipes and just happened into this one bathroom, randomly.

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The victim is reportedly in stable condition, and his spirits seem high. No word yet on the state of his own little snake. I personally feel for the man. Had a snake bit me in my nether regions, and I passed out before I got a chance to kill it good and dead, I’d feel cheated if I didn’t wake up wearing a jacket like this one that Nick Cage wore in Wild at Heart.

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That, right there, is how you deal with a python problem. Or a problem python. I guess both are appropriate ways of looking at the this tidy-bowl pest. But no. In Thailand, they let these snakes out where they will be free to bite again.

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