I’m not one to lean on tradition. If you have a better way of doing something, I say rock-on. Got for it. And I’m all about this new trend in funeral visitations. Corpses made to look incredibly lifelike.

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Take this dude for example. Fernando de Jesus Diaz Beato. Fernando was shot in Puerto Rico earlier this year. 15 times. Those mourning Fernando say “everybody loved him.” Everybody, presumably, except the person who shot him 15 times. 1 time, and you can maybe say you still loved him. But 15?

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No one has been convicted yet in that killing, either. So it seems appropriate that he was remembered in this way–in this incredibly creepy way. It makes it look like he has some unfinished business to attend to.

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He even has an unfinished cigarillo.

Still, I can’t help but feel that someone at the funeral home has a sense of humor. Fernando de Jesus Diaz Beato still has his eyes open.

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The funeral home placed him in his mother’s favorite chair, legs crossed, wearing his signature hat and glasses.

“Everybody is really surprised because seeing him like that is like seeing him as if he were alive,” one of his sisters said.

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“This time is different because he is seated with his legs crossed but, this is the first dead man in history with his eyes open,” Damaris Marin, the owner of Marin Funeral Home, bragged. We here at Controversial Times have yet to corroborate that claim, though I doubt its veracity.

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“We have seen that the families wish to see the dead men just as they were when they were alive,” Marin said. “We gave [the family] a surprise by leaving the eyes of the dead man open.”

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Yes. That would have been one weird surprise.

“I think that this time was the most impressive reaction to any of the work we have done.”

About Jackson Ford

Jackson Ford is not a car dealership in Mississippi. Actually it is a car dealership in Mississippi, but this isn't that Jackson Ford. This JF is a proud American, and he drives a Chevy.