Ever hit the enter button on a post and instantly regret it? Facebook owns everything you post, so there’s no going back. And it tends to last forever. Don’t ask me how I know this.

Here are ten things you really shouldn’t be doing on Facebook

1. Facebook really isn’t a great way to express your feelings about your teachers. Sometimes I think people need social media licensure. You must past a basic intelligence test before you can make a real post. We could issue learner’s permits to idiots like this guy.
facebook fails 2

This really couldn’t have ended very well. I wonder if he got back on Facebook to apologize for being a dumbass.

2. Facebook is definitely not the place to go to complain about your job. Unless you’re ready to leave it.

facebook fails 002

I’ve never been fired on Facebook, but the day isn’t over yet. I wonder if Facebook employees ever lose sight of this and post idiotic status updates.

3. Facebook is not a great way to let someone know you love them. I was on Facebook recently when I saw that my sister had posted a status update that said “I think I’m falling in love.” I was so embarrassed for her. I hope whoever she was falling for got that post.

facebook fails 11

This one isn’t much better. This one I can weigh in on; find out the woman’s name first. Then fall in love.

4. The pregnancy announcement on Facebook? Not a good idea–at least not until you’ve told the father.

facebook fails 9

Steve doesn’t seem too happy about it. At least Stephanie can speak to paternity with confidence. Steve obviously feels a bit less confident.

5. Facebook “parenting” is taking the easy way out. While we’re talking about love, we should include a note for all parents.

facebook fails 3

And that, as they say, is that. No taking it back.

6. Too much information. It is one thing when your dad is trying to figure out the nuances of technology, but it is something else when you do it to yourself.

facebook fails 1

The scissors indicate the had to so some deforestation before they could get to pulling weeds.

7. I’m not a fan of selling strange items on Facebook. Some things that you find in that used car you just bought really belong on Craigslist.

facebook fails 001

I’m speechless. Oh my. I’m going to try this, right now.

8. Facebook is not the place for whatever this is.

facebook fails 5

I love the implication here that it isn’t cheating if you have sex with someone of your gender. I don’t know what Donald is thinking here. Maybe I’m just more open-minded.

9. Facebook isn’t the place for accidentally opening the closet door, either. Either come on out, or stay in.

facebook fails 8

But the subtle nuance of the argument does seem compelling. I hadn’t realized Obama had been accepting gay ads. I’ll have to ad that to my list of useful phrases: “pulled an Obama.”

10. Facebook isn’t 911. This is something everyone who uses social media really should understand.

facebook fails 7

Actually a grease fire really is an emergency. Or it can be, which is probably what Google said. If 911 is overkill, just ask Siri. She’ll put it out for you.

11. Bonus–this right here is exactly what Facebook was meant for. Breaking news. Meaningful status updates.

facebook fails 6

When the bullets start thumping into the walls around you, I suggest you move to a more secure location so you can keep all of us informed on what’s happening. Don’t stop posting, whatever you do. We live vicariously through you. At least until you die.

I realize that many of you are probably on Facebook right now. That’s alright. Reading what not to do on Facebook on Facebook seems appropriate. Keep it up.

About Jackson Ford

Jackson Ford is not a car dealership in Mississippi. Actually it is a car dealership in Mississippi, but this isn't that Jackson Ford. This JF is a proud American, and he drives a Chevy.